What Do I Do If My Midwife Isn’t Listening?

You’re sitting there thinking:
“I’ve said this already… why am I not being heard?”

Maybe you’ve raised a concern.
Maybe something doesn’t feel right.
Maybe you’ve been told everything is “fine”… but you don’t feel reassured.

If this is you — you’re not overreacting. And you’re not stuck.

There are clear steps you can take.

First — Trust Your Instinct

You don’t need to be “right” to be listened to.

You are allowed to:

• Ask questions

• Say you don’t understand

• Disagree

• Ask for something to be explained again

• Say “this doesn’t feel right for me”

Sometimes communication breaks down. Sometimes it’s time pressure.
And sometimes — if we’re honest — you’re just not being heard properly.

Either way, you have options.

Step 1: Try Again — But Be Direct

Before escalating, it can help to be very clear and specific.

Instead of:

“I’m just a bit worried…”

Try:

“I don’t feel reassured. Can you explain why you’re not concerned?”
“What are my options here?”
“Can you document that I’ve raised this concern?”

This shifts the dynamic. It signals that you’re actively involved in your care.

Step 2: Speak to the Midwife in Charge (Band 7)

If you’re still not being heard, the next step is escalation within the team.

In most NHS settings, that means asking for:

• The senior midwife on duty

• A Band 7 midwife (team leader)

• The clinic lead midwife if you’re in antenatal clinic

You can say:

“I’d like to speak to the midwife in charge, please.”

What to expect

In many cases, you’ll be able to speak to them while you’re there.

But sometimes:

• They may be busy managing the wider team

• You may be asked to wait

• Or you might be offered a later appointment

If your concern feels urgent, it’s OK to say that — and to wait to be seen.

Take someone with you

If you do speak to a senior midwife, consider having:

• A partner

• A friend

• A family member

with you.

They can:

• Help you remember what you wanted to say

• Ask questions you might not feel comfortable asking

• Speak up if you feel overwhelmed or go quiet

Sometimes just having another person there changes how confident you feel — and how the conversation goes.

A simple tip that makes a big difference

Before the conversation, jot down:

• What your main concern is

• What you want to happen next

Even something as simple as:

“I want to understand why this decision has been made”
“I want to know what my options are”

can help keep the conversation focused.

Step 3: Ask for the Shift Leader / Labour Ward Coordinator

If you’re in hospital — especially in triage or labour ward — there is usually a senior midwife overseeing the entire unit that day.

This role might be called:

• Labour Ward Coordinator

• Shift Leader

• Bleep holder

• Senior midwife on duty

They are responsible for:

• Overseeing safety across the unit

• Supporting staff with decision-making

• Handling concerns or escalation in real time

This step is often overlooked — but it can make a big difference quickly.

You can say:

“Can I speak to the labour ward coordinator or the senior midwife overseeing the unit today?”

Step 4: Contact the Head of Midwifery

If concerns continue, you can go higher.

Every maternity service has a Head of Midwifery responsible for overall care standards.

NHS England services expect concerns to be taken seriously at this level.

You can:

• Call the hospital switchboard

• Email the maternity service

• Ask staff for contact details

Step 5: Ask to Change Midwife or Care Setting

You are not “stuck” with one midwife.

You can request:

• A different midwife within the same team

• A different community team (depending on area)

• Care at a different hospital

Be aware:

• Community midwifery teams usually cover specific geographical areas

• If you’re planning a homebirth, services often only attend births within their own patch

That said — you can still ask. And your request should be taken seriously.

Step 6: Make a Formal Complaint

If something hasn’t been handled well, you can make a formal complaint through the NHS complaints process.

This isn’t about “causing trouble.”
It’s about:

• Getting answers

• Improving care

• Making sure concerns are recorded

You can do this via the hospital’s Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) or complaints team.

Step 7: Escalate to the Regulator (If Needed)

If your concern is about professional conduct or safety, you can escalate further.

Midwives in the UK are regulated by the
Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC).

You can raise concerns with them if you believe:

• Your care was unsafe

• Professional standards were not met

• Your concerns were ignored in a way that put you at risk

This is usually a later step — but it is an option.

Your Right to Say No

There’s something really important that doesn’t always get explained clearly.

You have the right to accept or decline any aspect of your care.

This includes:

• Tests

• Monitoring

• Induction

• Caesarean birth

• Any other intervention

Even if the recommendation is based on concerns for your health or your baby’s wellbeing.

How this works in practice

Healthcare professionals should:

• Explain what is being recommended

• Talk through the benefits and risks

• Offer alternatives where appropriate

But the final decision still sits with you.

The only exception

The only time decisions may be made on your behalf is if you are assessed as lacking mental capacity to make that decision at that time.

This is a specific legal standard — not simply because someone disagrees with your choice.

You cannot be forced

Under UK law, you cannot be forced into treatment if you have capacity — even if others believe your decision carries significant risk.

Coercion can look like:

• Being told you have “no choice”

• Being pressured into agreeing

• Being made to feel you will be blamed if something goes wrong

That is not informed consent.

A quiet but important legal point

If treatment is carried out without your consent, this can fall under legal definitions such as assault or battery.

That’s not something most people ever want to pursue —
but it highlights how seriously your right to choose is taken.

What this means for you

This isn’t about saying no to everything.

It’s about:

• Being part of the decision

• Understanding your options

• Feeling that your voice matters

You are allowed to say:

“I’d like more information before I decide.”
“What are my alternatives?”
“I’m not comfortable with that right now.”

If you feel pressured

If something doesn’t feel right:

• Pause the conversation if you can

• Ask for a second opinion (using the steps above)

• Bring someone in to support you

And if needed, step away and come back to the decision.

A Quiet Truth No One Says Enough

Most midwives care deeply.

But the system they’re working in is under pressure.
Appointments are short. Teams are stretched.

That doesn’t mean your voice matters less.

You are allowed to:

• Take up space

• Ask for clarity

• Expect to be listened to

If You Just Need to Talk It Through

Sometimes you don’t want to escalate straight away.
You just want to understand what’s happening and what your options are.

Talking things through with a midwife outside of your immediate care team can:

• Help you make sense of what you’ve been told

• Clarify your options

• Give you confidence in your next step

If you’re feeling unheard right now, it can be really difficult to know what to do next.
You might be questioning yourself, or wondering if you’re overreacting.

You’re not — and you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

🌿 Want to talk things through?

If you’re sitting with a decision, a recommendation, or a gut feeling that something isn’t right — it can really help to talk it through with someone outside of your immediate care team.

A Mobile Midwives consultation gives you the space to:

• Go through your situation in detail

• Understand what you’ve been told

• Explore your options clearly

• Decide what feels right for you

No pressure. No judgement. Just time to think things through properly.

Click here to book a Mobile Midwives consultation

Sometimes having the time to go through your situation in detail can make everything feel much clearer.

Not ready to book yet?
That’s completely OK — you can start by reading more here:

📖 You might also find helpful:

👉 Can I refuse induction of labour in the UK
👉 Consent or Coercion